When you receive a personal letter in the mail, you don’t just open it up and start reading it right in the middle, do you? And, you usually don’t start reading a book right in the middle of it, do you? No, because what comes at the beginning of a letter or book makes a big difference in how we understand what’s in the middle, right? The same is true with reading the Bible. We need to read passages of the Bible in light of their broader context in order to understand and apply the Scriptures rightly to our lives.

     This is particularly the case today with this passage from First Peter 3:1-7. This is the eighth sermon in a series through the First Letter of Peter (the eighth sermon). All that comes before this passage in First Peter makes a difference in how we understand and apply this passage. So, we need to do some review, quickly. The First Letter of Peter is written to believers in Jesus Christ, to those who have been “born again to a living hope, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and to an inheritance which is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, reserved in heaven ... .” (1^st Ptr.1:3-4). You see, first of all we must interpret this passage from chapter three in the light of the joy of salvation, in the light of what it means to be a Christian, redeemed by the precious blood of Christ, called out of darkness into His marvelous light! (1^st Peter 2:9-10).

     And, as those who have been redeemed by the precious blood of Christ, we are to live our lives, as individuals and as a community, in ways that bring glory to God by following Jesus Christ. And in the First Letter of Peter, following in the steps of Jesus is defined in very clear and practical terms: we are to abstain from sinful, worldly passions; we are to live good lives in accordance with God’s Word, such that even pagans praise God because of our behavior (1^st Ptr.2:11-12); and we are to live Christ-like, submissive lives in relationship with one another and in relationship to unbelievers, even being willing to suffer unjust hardship without retaliation or revenge. This is how we follow in the steps of Jesus, who suffered for us (1^st Ptr. 2:21-25).

     The preceding passages instruct us to be submissive to the established governmental authorities, and the first-century Christian slaves were instructed by the Word to be submissive to their masters (1^st Ptr.2:13-18). In both of these instances of submission, the point is to follow the example of Jesus and to imitate His life of humble submission. The general principles still apply today, though our social and economic and political context is quite different from that of the first-century Roman Empire in Asia Minor. The general principle of living with a peaceable, gentle, submissive spirit applies to all Christians today because it is the example which our Lord Jesus Christ set for us and, therefore, it is at the very heart of true Christian spirituality.

       The Lord Jesus set the example of submission for us all. Throughout His whole life, Jesus submitted Himself and continually gave of Himself for the good of others. Jesus Christ, the Lord and Master, humbled Himself as a lowly slave and washed His disciples’ feet (John 13:1-5). The example of Jesus, and the way in which He submitted Himself to unjust suffering for our sake, is the immediate backdrop to, the immediately preceding passage before this passage for today. The Son of God, the Lord of glory, submitted Himself to the Father, and in so doing He submitted Himself to death, even death on a cross — for our salvation (1^st Ptr.2:21-25).

     So, when we read this passage in chapter three, instructing wives to submit themselves to their husbands, the first thing that we should think about is not — is not, is not — “who’s got the power, and who’s in control, and who’s in charge?” Rather, the first thing we should think about is: Jesus Christ and His life of submission and His death for our salvation through His submission upon the cross.

     Now, both husbands and wives need to understand that this passage is not ultimately about “who wins?” as though this passage were about resolving power-struggles in marriage (it’s not). If you (as husband and wife) are stuck in a power-struggle in your marriage today, the issue is not “submission,” and the “submission” argument (in terms of power and authority and control) isn’t going to solve your marriage problem. If you are stuck in a power-struggle in your marriage today, you’ve probably got other issues to deal with — issues such as past hurts, resentment, bitterness, broken trust, anger, fear, pride, selfishness, hard-heartedness, lack of repentance, and, most of all, lack of forgiveness (and that goes for both husbands and wives). Power-struggles are relational conflicts which can be resolved only by relational reconciliation —  forgiveness and healing. Forced submission through oppressive domination, or servile, fearful, depressed, resigned submission will not “fix” your problems, and that’s not what this passage is about. This passage is about Christian wives imitating Jesus Christ in their relationship with their husbands; and, in verse 7, about Christian husbands imitating Jesus Christ in their relationship with their wives. The whole principle of submission in Christian marriage is about husbands and wives imitating Jesus Christ in relationship to one another; and the imitation of Christ brings peace, and joy, and love, and liberty into our lives and our marriage relationship.

      Now, in particular, this passage seems to be addressed primarily to women who are married to unbelievers. Again, consider the context: these were people who first heard the gospel as adult pagans; they were already married when they first heard the gospel and came to faith in Christ. So these women were converted, but their husbands were not. And of course, the same situation often applies today. In many cases today, one spouse is converted, but the other is not. Or, although both spouses might outwardly profess faith in Christ, one of them might have had an experience of deep spiritual renewal and have a really serious commitment to following the Lord and studying His Word and raising their children according to God’s covenant promise. And oftentimes, in our culture, it is the wife who is more concerned about the spiritual health of the marriage and the spiritual nurture of the children. And oftentimes, it is the wife who is crying out in the hope that her husband will be the spiritual leader in the home. And men, this is a serious failure on our part; it is a great weakness of the Church in our day, and it contributes to serious weaknesses in our marriage and family life, and the Church, and our society today.

     Men, we need to acknowledge our sin, and repent of it, and get our priorities straight, and take the necessary steps to become and to be spiritual fathers and spiritual husbands, the spiritual leaders in our homes and in the church. And in the ongoing ministry of this congregation, we seek to provide ways and opportunities for men to be nurtured and to grow in the faith and to be equipped as the spiritual leaders in their homes, the church, and the world. But unless you men step up and commit yourselves to be disciples of Jesus Christ who take specific steps to further your spiritual growth, then you will not fulfill the most important calling upon your life. In an indirect way, but a very real way, this passage calls husbands to respond obediently to the gospel of Jesus Christ and to follow in His steps.

     Now, wives, I’ve said it. I, as pastor, can say that to your husbands; you don’t need to. In fact this passage instructs women who are married to unbelievers, men who are disobedient to the word, to seek to win them over not with words, but with submissiveness, purity, respect, and the inner beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit (1^st Ptr.3:1-2). You cannot push your husband into the faith or into deeper spiritual maturity or into greater spiritual leadership. Pray; don’t push. If you’re married to someone who is an outright unbeliever, the best way to win him for Christ, is to show your husband the quiet, gentle, submissiveness of Christ, as a faithful wife. Show him the love of Christ.

     But, just a word of clarification: submissiveness to husbands does not mean enabling or participating in immoral or illegal or dangerous or destructive behavior. It does not mean suffering pathological abuse, endangering your life and well-being or violating your own soul. And it doesn’t mean that you don’t have a brain or that you don’t have feelings and good ideas of your own. This passage, along with other passages like it, is simply laying out a general pattern of life, a consistent attitudinal spirit, a temperament or disposition of Christ-like submissiveness instead of belligerent obstinance, a general willingness to comply rather than a rebellious instinct to defy, a cultivated, basic sweetness instead of a general cantankerousness.

     And here’s the reason that this kind of general, attitudinal, positive, Christ-like submissiveness is so important. First of all, it reflects Jesus Christ, and honors Him. Second, in relation to your husband, is this: at the deepest depths of our souls, we men want and need to know and to feel that we are respected, honored, affirmed, and looked-up-to by our wives. That’s a basic and powerful masculine need. We want people to have a good impression of us. We do our best to fool most of the people most of the time. But we know that we can’t fool you, our wives. And so when a man feels dishonored or disrespected by his wife, constantly criticized or second-guessed, or has his efforts at leadership constantly undermined or resisted by his wife, then the negative feelings about himself he carries around within himself are going to have a very negative effect on him and on the marriage relationship. And it will be very counterproductive in terms of encouraging him in the faith. You see, wives, if you want your husband to be the spiritual leader in your home, he needs to know and feel that you respect his leadership in general.

     Verse 2 says, “...they (the disobedient or unbelieving husbands) may be won over without talk (without words) by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” The wife’s purity of heart and reverence for God is to be seen in the way she relates to her husband with purity and respect. And again, the main idea is that she is modeling the submissiveness and gentleness of Christ to her husband, imitating Christ, staying close to Christ, following in His steps, seeking to conform her life to Christ’s life, for His sake, for His glory, in her relationship with her husband.

     Following Christ, the wife does not need to follow the worldly ways of manipulation which so often harm marriages. Even with regard to physical appearance, the Scripture says that women ought not to be overly concerned with physical beauty but rather pursue inner, spiritual beauty (1^st Ptr.3:4). And husbands, we need to hear what God’s Word says to women about this, and we need to agree with God’s Word. We husbands need to agree with God’s Word and affirm to our wives that their inner, spiritual beauty — the beauty of their inner person, the beauty of their heart — is of great value to us, just as it is of great value to God; indeed, men, we need to affirm to our wives that their inner beauty is of greater value to us than their outward beauty.

     Men, we need to understand that American culture is so obsessed with physical appearance, so obsessed with the quest for physical perfection, that women and teen-age girls actually abuse themselves and do themselves physical and emotional harm in pursuit of some unrealistic, imaginary standard of physical perfection. And we need to reject that worldly standard and condemn it. We husbands and fathers need to affirm the inner, spiritual beauty of our wives and daughters who are seeking to live in a godly way and please the Lord with their gentle and quiet spirit. And the real fact of the matter is that the more we affirm the inner beauty of our wives, then the more that inner beauty will actually be visible in their outward, physical beauty.

     Now another application of verses 3-4 is simply the principle of modesty in the way Christian women are to dress. The specific items listed — braided hair, gold jewelry, and fine clothes — ought not to be applied in an overly legalistic or rigid way but rather according to general principles of modesty and decorum. The point is to avoid lavish extravagance which calls attention to itself. The point is that if you women (including single women, or teenagers) feel like you’ve got to put on a lot of make-up, a lot of jewelry, do something really spectacular with your hair, and have the latest, hottest fashion to wear, then there’s a spiritual problem, because what’s really important is the inner beauty of a pure heart and a gentle and quiet spirit.

     Mothers, you need to help your daughters understand modesty in dress and deportment, and personal carriage, because our culture obviously does not know what modesty is. And fathers, you need to sit down with your daughters and explain to them what a man sees and what a man thinks when he looks at a woman. Fathers, you must sit down with your daughters and very gently, very appropriately explain to them the natural consequences of immodest, provocative, alluring dress. “Oh, but it’s just the style.” Get over it! Parents and teenagers, and young singles all need to understand this: it’s more than a matter of “style,” because “style” always sends a message, and the way we present ourselves is the way we represent Jesus Christ to others.

     At verse 7, the Scripture addresses husbands — Christian husbands — and instructs us to be “considerate as you live with your wives” (the English Standard Version says, “live with your wives in an understanding way”). The nuance of the Greek word for “living with your wives” implies sexual relations as well as general life together. Christian husbands are commanded by God to be “understanding,” “thoughtful,” literally, to live together with their wives “according to knowledge” — which is to say, know how to relate to your wife, and know how to care for her. Take time to get to know who she really is, what she really wants, and what she really needs. Take time to develop and nurture your relationship with her. That’s an expression of Christ-like love; it’s an expression of Christ-like submissiveness because it places your wife’s concerns and needs above your own. You see, the wife is to submit herself to the husband in ways that show respect for his masculine leadership, but likewise the husband is to show love and care and concern for his wife, and to honor her above himself; and so, in that sense, the husband is to submit himself, in Christ-like, self-sacrificial love and care for his wife, following in the steps of Jesus, who came not to be served, but to serve.

     The Scripture says that we are to show honor to our wives — and that word for “honor” has the nuance of “preciousness” — and, in fact, it is the same word that is used in reference to the way God the Father honors His Son Jesus Christ as precious in His sight (1^st Ptr.2:6), and it is the same word that describes the preciousness of the blood of Christ (1:19). And men, this is what our wives need to know and to feel in the depths of their souls — that they are precious to us, that we esteem them and honor them, and that they are safe and secure with us — and that’s the point of the reference to “the weaker partner,” or “weaker vessel” (1^st Ptr.3:7). That’s not a chauvinist put-down. It’s just a fact of nature, a fact of God’s created order, that most men are stronger than most women, and that makes women vulnerable to men. But men, following Christ, we must give our wives the deeply felt assurance that we will never ever take advantage of their physical weakness in any way. And so, husbands, it is our holy calling and duty to make sure that our wives know and feel that we hold them in our hearts and with our hands, as though holding a beautiful, precious, highly-valued, fragile vessel; and therefore, we are to hold them in our hearts and with our hands, gently, carefully,  thoughtfully, protectively, securely, with Christ-like love and in Christ-like service. Brothers, the fact that I can preach this from the pulpit does not mean that I practice it perfectly; none of us do. But when we fall down, Jesus Christ tells us to get up, dust ourselves off with repentance, and start over, following in His steps.

     The Scripture adds a warning —  and a real zinger it is — that if we do not honor our wives and treat them as precious, our prayers will be hindered. Our prayers will be hindered because, you see, as husband and wife we are united as one in Christ. Husbands and wives are joint-heirs, co-heirs together, of God’s grace in Christ. Husbands and wives are united as one in Christ. If I dishonor my wife, I dishonor Christ. If I mistreat my wife, I mistreat Christ. If I neglect my wife, I neglect Christ. If my fellowship with my wife is broken, my fellowship with Christ is broken, and my prayers are hindered.

     And so, just as wives are to show submissive respect to their husbands, so husbands are to show their wives the love of Christ, honoring and cherishing their wives as precious, reflecting the precious relationship between Christ and His Bride, the Church.

     In the history of the world, of the whole human race, there has been one perfectly happy marriage — but the perfect happiness didn’t last very long. You know what happened with Adam and Eve. And we all live on the other side of the Garden. Every marriage represented in this sanctuary has been damaged by sin (every marriage, including my own). But brothers and sisters, we all live on the other side of the cross and the empty tomb. I believe in the healing of marriages because I believe in the healing of souls through the blood of Christ. I believe in the resurrection of dead marriages because I believe in the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. I believe in the increasing peace, joy, purity, and unity of marriages — I believe in good marriages getting better! — because I believe that the Holy Spirit is at work in the life of believers to sanctify them into greater conformity with the likeness of Jesus Christ. And the closer we grow to Jesus Christ, the closer we will grow to one another as husbands and wives.

     So here’s the real question about submission: are you willing to submit ... ... to Jesus? That’s the question for us all, husbands and wives. Are we willing to submit ... our lives, our wills, our wants, our hurts, our hopes, our grievances, our disappointments?  Are you willing to submit everything about your life and your marriage to Jesus?  Are we willing to submit “our way” to Jesus, and to follow in His steps, His way?

            To God be the glory. Amen.

The Prayer for Right Response:

            Gracious Heavenly Father, thank You for loving us, and for loving us in all our brokenness and neediness and unworthiness. Thank You for sending Your Son into the world, to bear our sins in His own body on the tree, that we might be set free from the power of sin and live a new life by Your grace, following Jesus in faith. Bless our marriages, heal the wounds, renew the hope, and refresh us all with the joy of your love and peace. To the glory of Your name, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.